Raising awareness of Homlessness

Yesterday ended and today began not in the way I had imagined it would.

Beware of scrolling down twitter because you may just come across a tweet that catches your imagination - I was lying in bed when I saw one from the outgoing Lord Mayor of a Belfast saying that 100 young people would be sleeping rough in the grounds of City Hall.

Homelessness is an issue I've been pondering for a while and the plight of those who find themselves on our cities streets one that I have kept returning too so I simply tweeted and asked could I join - yes came the reply and so off I headed not really sure what I was letting my self in for and nothing could have prepared me for the experience, the conversations and the emotional roller coaster.

At 6 pm when I joined my fellow band of young people there was very much a carnival atmosphere in the air - frisbee playing, hot food van and musicians a nice way to bring a summer day to a close BUT it was when the sun started to set that the reality of what lay ahead hit me cause in my enthusiasm I hadn't even brought a sleeping bag with me though one did arrive from the lovely people at the welcome centre.

So the gates were locked and in the darkness a city that is so familiar in daylight became an uncertain and unknown place in the dark and while we had safety in numbers thoughts turned to the isolation of others settling down for the night on their own.

Though the conversation flowed - there were stories exchanged of each others backgrounds and lives - there was first hand accounts of the reality of losing your home and having absolutely no where to go - the different points you need to amass to get a house in different parts of the city - the difficulty of accessing services and of course the stigma and comments that are directed to you on the street on a daily basis.

The weather that had been so beautiful during the day gave way to showers in the wee small hours of the morning - plastic bin bags were found to place over sleeping bags to try and stop water getting in and for many of us the first thoughts were what I've the water gets into our phones but the rain finally stopped.

The noise was another factor to contend with as nightclubs emptied and the revelry spilled onto the streets suddenly there was an ominous feeling in the air and whilst we were behind the gates of city hall you couldn't help but think how threatening it must feel if your actually on the street and you really don't know what is coming towards you.

This morning as I'm writing this still on those city hall steps I can't help but remember and paraphrase the words of Atticus Fitch in To Kill A Mocking Bird 'you don't know someone's life until you walk a mile in their shoes' and while I may have only walked part of the way I defiantly got my eyes opened and challenged by how we as a society can help those for whom the streets are a daily and nightly reality.

Scripture, Food and Body Image

Its day 3 of Eating disorder awareness week and today we look at what scripture has to say about food and image 

Food is a major thread running through scripture. 

The Christian Scriptures themselves are marbled with food: milk and honey, bread and wine, pomegranates and figs, fatted calves and grilled fish, Paschal suppers  for small gatherings and miraculous  picnics for multitudes.

From the beginning of the Genesis account see God telling Adam and Eve not to eat certain food

, namely from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, we can read the food laws given by Yahweh to his people in Leviticus and then ultimately the arrival of Jesus as the Bread of Life. 

While it may be hard to find any scripture passage that deals directly with Eating Disorders or the struggle faced by sufferers, one can find a wealth of material that deals with, and comments on, food and eating, along with issues such as personal well-being and care and attitudes that are often present in the life and mindset of eating disorder sufferers.

Proverbs 4:23 tells us to ‘be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.’ Eating Disorder sufferers have long been associated with how the person involved is feeling or thinking. Triggers for disordered thinking can come from a single remark. That single remark can then set light to a fire that results in the person experiencing grave inner torment and can result in the individual no longer wanting to be in contact with people who make such remarks to them.

Indeed Proverbs later comments that ‘thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can hea Therefore while our thoughts can trigger a whole range of emotions, it is important for the individual to remember that who and what they are in Christ as a foundational truth can cut through feelings and emotions and realign the individual.  

Scripture affirms that we are a chosen people (1^st Peter 2:19), precious (Isaiah 43:4), loved (1 John 4:10), His sons and daughters (2 Corinthians 6:18), called (1 Thessalonians 5:24), an heir (Galatians 4:7), belonging to God (1 Peter 2:9), honoured (Isaiah 43:4), accepted (Romans 15:7), set free (Colossians 1:14) and forgiven (Colossians 3:13).  

While scripture makes many positive and insightful comments on the issues surrounding eating disorder sufferers, it also presents some problems for the sufferer when he or she comes to find comfort and guidance. Anorexia is often associated with a desire for perfectionism in life, and in recent years there has been a drive, through all forms of media, to persuade people to seek the perfect body. ‘If I could only look like that then …’ sells, clothes, electronic goods, food and even diets. So what is the sufferer to make of Matthew 5:48?  ‘Be perfect therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.’ Wilkinson observes: 

Most sufferers will interpret this as a command to be a perfectionist, failing in nothing.  But the Greek word for perfection, telios, is not used in conjunction with goodness but with being ‘complete’, ‘fully grown’, ‘mature’, which to me signifies being made whole.

Life is a journey into a deeper understanding of God and the impact that this leaves on our lives. God does not leave us at the point of salvation, but rather embarks with us on a journey of growth and maturity.

We have very briefly seen the contours of the important role which scripture plays in setting in context: body image, the importance of food and food’s impact on our lives, the potential to change our lives, both positively and negatively, and the impact that scripture can bring to bear on the subject of eating disorders.  From an informed understanding of scripture, insight’s can be discovered to assist with a contemporary understanding of someone battling with an eating disorder 

Its Not Going Away You know …..

Its Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2014 and today this blog continues by looking at the worrying rise of Eating Disorders in Northern Ireland 

Relevant Magazine notes

Millions of women look into their mirrors every day and hate what they see. They are profoundly dissatisfied with their appearance—the lips aren’t full enough, the cheekbones aren’t dramatic enough and, of course, they are certainly not thin enough. These women and girls want so desperately to look like the air-brushed models in the magazines or the painstakingly thin celebrities on the awards shows. Although they can do little about their lips and cheekbones without surgery or medical intervention, they can lose weight. So, they start dieting

For 11 million women in the US dieting spirals over into an eating disorder.  The figures for the UK and Ireland are no less startling. 

We live in a world where consumerism is a key social driver, commodities, from cars to Coke to chemicals, are displayed with young women close-by signalling availability and sexuality.

A motto of this generation is ‘sex sells' 

Though eating disorders don’t just affect women, in recent years there has also been an increase in the number of teenage boys and young men developing eating disorders as the media portrays images of six-packs and the growth in celebrities wearing skinny jeans and super-skinny jeans, adding further fuel to the epidemic!

So what about this wee part of the world? Northern Ireland

In 2002 the Department of Health, Social Services and Public Safety published its most recent consultation on the provision and care of, those suffering from eating disorders.  In 2010 it was speculated by the then Health Minister Michael McGimpsey, that NI would have its own eating disorder unit, though that promise is still being processed.

The 2002 report observed that ‘each year in NI around 50-120 people develop Anorexia Nervosa and around 170 people develop Bulimia Nervosa equalling 340-1700 people suffering from AN and 17,000 from BN in NI. 100 people are admitted to hospital each year and the average length of stay is five weeks per patient.

In 2012 Eating Disorder care and treatment hit the regional headlines once again, with a stark reminder of the growing trend of Eating Disorders within Northern Ireland and with a major focus on the increase the number of sufferers under the age of ten.  While it may not be possible to place an exact figure on the number of young people hospitalized from an Eating Disorders in the period 2007 to 2011, the BBC places the figure at around 12, while up to 80 teenagers received treatment in hospital for illnesses such as anorexia in the past five years

Eating disorders are a growing problem in Northern Ireland and one the church as well as society needs to address - in tomorrows blog I will be looking at what the bible has to say about eating disorders. 

Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2014 - Day 1 - A personal story

Hey guys and gals - This week is Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2014 and this week I will be blogging everyday about the history of ED'S, the specifics of the Northern Irish context, How the church can respond and my own personal experience.  Since stories and personal stories are so important the journey this week seems to make sense by beginning with a personal story - my own experience of an eating disorder - this story is unique but not unequal mine - what follows is  a blog entry I wrote in 2012  

‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ - I can testify this is not true!  What follows is an account of my journey into and out of anorexia.  

As a child I was always what people would call ‘a little chubby’, food for me was a comfort, an escape, a way of making myself feel a little better ..... though suddenly a little food wasn’t enough, it became the more the better, having a bad day have a bar of chocolate or six, pass an exam go out for a three course meal and no matter how I was feeling, good or bad, food was a way of feeling better!  

By the age of 19 I had reached 27 stone in weight ..... not a good feeling to have to go to Glasgow, London and America to be able to buy clothes.  Then in the second year of university began my unhealthy relationship with dieting ..... I wanted to be the thinnest I could because this weight was more than enough to carry and was a shell to hid behind.  ‘if I was thinner I would feel better’, ‘if I was thinner people would find me more attractive’. So the diet and the desire to get down from a 52 inch waste and a 5xl top began.  

At first it was a healthy approach and over the months the weight dropped .... down to a more respectable 15 stone.  Following a stay in Dublin for my post grad the weight began to creep back up, I returned to Belfast for work where a colleague said to me ‘goodness you lost all that weight and now you’re starting to put it back on’ - then my healthy diet, took an unhealthy turn - I would become the thinnest I could!  I would make sure that no one ever said that to me again.   

So I limited myself to 700 calories a day and went for an hour and half power walk everyday!  The weight poured of me .... 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10 stone.  I felt great, well at least I thought I did ... But I was only really kidding myself!  People were beginning to notice that I was starting to look unwell - but me I had never felt so great!

10, 9, 8 stone ....Now we were down to 500 calories ... a weight watchers yoghurt for breakfast, one for lunch and three garlic mushrooms for my tea with a small bit of salad ... same thing every day because I knew I was losing weight that way suddenly my social life was gone I couldn’t be around friends cause I was afraid of having to go in somewhere to eat, the trousers were getting smaller and the tops were going down to children’s sizes!  Weekly trips to the doctor who I tried to kid for as long as I could, watching peoples faces, people who I knew but with a sunken face, they no longer knew me .... People thought I had cancer and were afraid to speak about it! Though I was starting to get tired and my body was starting to hurt! Not being able to lie in bed at night cause the mattress hurt you! Up at 4am cause you couldn’t sleep, my life was dictated, every day I lived the same experience ... over and over again!  

7 stone - I remember it as clear - the first week of Wimbeldon 2009 - the thursday night, I walked to Lisburn with mum to do some shopping  - walking home I didn’t feel well at all - I wanted to get home asap!  So home it was, imagine me in the height of summer, pj’s, dressing gown, hot water bottle, blanket and I was still freezing!  Though on the plus side I now had a 26 inch waist I was wearing tops for 11 year old boys! aged 24 and 6’2.  Surely now my life could begin!  I was as thin I was ever going to get!  The next day I had an appointment at the doctors, I remember crying in the waiting room I hurt that much as I sat on the chairs, my whole body ached, all my energy was gone! My doctors words ‘we need to do an ECG’ Ok I thought - the nurse had to do it twice .... ‘wait till i get the doctor to have a look at this’ Ok I thought this was standard procedure ..... My doctor came, looked at my shivering body on the bed as I lay there in my underwear - then she truly knew just how bad I had become, stomach sunken, legs fragile, rib cage very evident through my skin.....  ‘Jonathan it’s bad news’ Oh what’s wrong I replied ‘We can hardly find a pulse’ .... ‘You need to sign yourself in at the hospital .....’

I broke down in that doctors surgery - suddenly I realized what I had done to myself ....  I can’t go to the hospital, I don’t want to be signed in ..... She said ‘ok, you can go home for a couple of hours and think about it’ ... I went home and broke down again with my mum and my sister! 

Things needed to change! 

I started out dying to be thin - now I was just dying! 

In America there is the Trevor Project a response the amount of young people taking their own lives because they are gay.... the tag line of the movement is ‘it gets better’ well I want to say to anyone out there struggling with an eating disorder ‘it gets better’. Not initially but day by day it gets better, it gets better with each small step towards recovery.  

I got help - I was able to go to  the health service and was referred to a specialist .... slowly but surely the weight increased!  2 pounds here and 2 pounds there  10 months later I was back up to my goal weight - I would be lying if I said everyday still isn’t a battle but one thing I know is that I never want to be that thin again.

To anyone struggling with weight issues - be honest with yourself - admit that you have a problem because only when you do will you be able to get better - only then than the journey to wholeness begins!  If you would like to talk with someone who ha

25 years on

Today marks the 25th anniversary of Dad's death (ok death is the polite way of saying murder).  A day that always brings a lot of emotion and questions and searching and seeking and yes crying too.  Last night I wrote this short poem to summarise how I was feeling.

25 years ago a bullet rang out and the doorbell announced an unexpected visitor

25 years ago a morning went from a day of possibility to a day of mourning 

25 years ago the watch you were wearing stopped ticking and so did your heart as you hit the floor 

25 years ago the ring you were wearing broke as did my my mothers heart 

25 years ago you were a story on the news  but you were more, a brother, a husband, a son, a father , a friend

25 years ago you still had the tickets for a family night out at the circus in your pocket but this was no laughing matter 

25 years ago no doubt you had a lovers tiff  but on that day you were a sacrifice on the alter of an nations tiff

25 years ago you left for work with a smile and a kiss and see you for dinner but that dinner never came 

25 years later I still have that watch and ring and circus tickets  and think if only I still had you what would my life be like

25 years later I hope this country is further on 

25 years later as a family we still remember but journey on. 

There's blood on the street

There’s blood on the street, and its been here before 

City in the throws of a heatwave as tempers reach an all time high.

Streets pounded, words spoken, fires stoked 

water cannon, plastic bullets, breeze blocks in mid air

there’s blood on the street, and its been here before 

the match is lit and somethings gonna burn 

tensions rising, flags flying, the bonfires still lit 

there’s blood on the street, and its been here before

fuel for early morning radio call in shows, 

flames that will burn in peoples hearts for months

sirens rage and warning bells ring in many minds

there’s blood on the street, and its been here before

images flooding TV screens, social networking going mad 

wasn’t that the road Obama cavalcade hurtled down?

now its the mob rushing down it without the fanfare 

not so much G8 but 1978 

there’s blood on the street, and its been here before  

there’s blood on the street, and its been here before 

theres blood on the street how long until its here no more?

Another Gunshot, Another Family

Northern Ireland woke this morning to another tragic event in its history.  Today we live in what many would call a normalised society in which we enjoy peace and the benefits it brings to us personally and too are economy, yet twitter this morning is ablaze with the news of a man shot on his way to work on the motorway between Lurgan and Portadown.  Here is a poem about what sprang through my mind as the news came in.  

Another Gunshot, Another Family. 

The news came through as I wiped sleep from my eyes

The morning ritual, barely awake a scroll down twitter

Heart sinking, fear entering, past awakening

Details sketchy, car crash becomes man shot dead as sky news update their status.

Details continue to flood in 

7am, Prison service employee, hallmarks of a republican ambush

The news came in as I wiped sleep from my eyes 

Thinking of family members left behind 

As they wiped sleep from their eyes, sleep giving way to tears and potential sleepless nights

The news came in as I wiped sleep from my eyes

24 years ago a rap came to my mothers door 

8.30 she was still wiping sleep from this little boys eyes

The news came in as she wiped sleep from my eyes

Gun shot, train, paramedics on the scene, we did all we could

As she wiped sleep from his eyes, sleep giving way to tears and endless sleepless nights. Just another guy who left for work never to come home 

The news came in as I wiped sleep from my eyes

Surely this province can wake from this nightmare 

Oh for a day to dawn when we don’t have to look back but stare into the future that comes with a new dawn