So day three and I am still hanging in there, I have to be honest there were a couple of stages where I thought, ‘well sure if I quit now it won’t look as bad as getting further into the week and then deciding to call it a day’. But yet again I find myself, sitting, typing words and trying to formulate thoughts.
Yesterday was tough. Tough on a number of levels.
For work yesterday I had a meeting in the city centre - clearly on my budget city centre parking wasn’t an option so I decided I would get the bus one way and then walk to the office after, so I boarded the bus only to discover that the fare for a one way journey almost equaled as much as the food I had bought the night before for three nights. Nearly two tenths of a weekly budget on one journey ..... it really isn’t easy is it ...... yet again something I don’t think very much as I drive myself around town in a one year old car which I had thought about trading in for another brand new car a couple of weeks ago.
Last night I found myself at a friends birthday party ( I felt it would be unfair not to go) but with no money to spend and not excepting gists from other people I sat there all night without so much as a drink of water. Now those who know me well will know that I love a party and a night out as much as anyone, and at times, more than most people. But strip away the cash and the drinks and a night out becomes something entirely different, you begin to watch others enjoying themselves, you see your friends being able to buy themselves drinks and you almost become resentful, angry or even annoyed that they are willing to spend £5 on a drink .... that is half my weekly budget .... One glass of wine in the John Hewitt or I starve .... grim reality. The question I am left asking myself is, what must it be like to live in the city, walk past all that is going on, people out for a good night, people celebrating, yet constantly to be living a life that allows you to look through the window at others enjoying themselves while you make your way back to the shared accommodation that you are living in for the moment hoping that you can fall asleep on a empty stomach.
But in the midst of all this I find myself asking deeper theological questions of myself as I reflect on the experience, is there such a thing as a theology of asylum? It certainly wasn’t a module or even a single lecture at the college where I trained to be a minister yet the thought doesn’t leave my mind easily. Matters probably aren’t helped by the fact that this year I have been using Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals for my personal devotions and its focus the past two days has been on Justice and Fear .... ideas and concepts that sit quite happily with my current experience. Came across this online today and think says more than I could ever do ...... http://www.ctbi.org.uk/pdf_view.php?id=22.
Reflecting a little of the refugee situation I am reminded of the words of Dolly Parton in Travelin Through
Well I can't tell you where I'm going, I'm not sure of where I've been
But I know I must keep travelin' till my road comes to an end
I'm out here on my journey, trying to make the most of it
I'm a puzzle, I must figure out where all my pieces fit
Like a poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I'm just a weary pilgrim trying to find what feels like home
Where that is no one can tell me, am I doomed to ever roam
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin'
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